I love this time of year, not for the holidays usually celebrated, but because it is the season of New Years, the season of new beginnings. We get do overs! If we don’t keep the promises we’ve made to ourselves – our “New Year’s resolutions”– just wait a week or so and there will be another New Year. This is the best season ever!
The New Year season is primarily based upon the lunar calendar, with each cultural New Year taking place near a new moon. It begins in September with the Ethiopian New Year on the 11th or 12th, and the Jewish New Year, and it lasts to the Persian New Year on Spring Equinox. WOW!!!
That’s seven months of new beginnings. That gives us an incredible amount of time to change or adapt something important without guilt or regret.
Knowing this also brought the question of how do we thoughtfully and intentionally begin again or change?
Let’s break it down.
Psychologist and experts in this field say that it takes 21 days to change a behavior. How many of us can be consistent for 21 days, let alone sustain longer behavioral changes? That commitment depends on motivation, need, passion and the importance of the change to one’s inner most beliefs of who one is and one’s value in the world.
On a fundamental level, that boils down to how we love ourselves.
As an example, everyone knows it is important to keep our bodies as healthy as possible for longevity and enjoyment of life. However, not taking care of our Earthly vessels might, when all the layers are peeled back, be a result of not really feeling like we belong. Therefore, and going even deeper, we may not really want to be here because it is too hard, too uncomfortable. We may feel alien.
These feelings always come down to not feeling loved. That may have many names— feeling invisible, not feeling our self-worth, not feeling powerful enough, pretty enough, good enough, etc.
We are told that when we fall or fail, the most important thing is to get back up. But, if we get back up with the same doubt or insecurity, we can “fail” again. Why? Because something needs to change in our deepest selves. The most significant change needed is in how much we love ourselves and, therefore, how we see ourselves in the world.
Understanding why, when we are not able to keep our commitments to ourselves, whether it be at work, in our personal relationships or any aspect of our lives, is at the core of our personal failures, and therefore our guilt and shame. Of course, this is an incredibly deep and complex issue that deserves a long discussion. That discussion requires more time than we have here. Consider this your Cliff Notes version that highlights a few important ideas to help you with change.
Facing the reason we are not able to feel love for ourselves on a core level is the deep and critical personal work we each do on the path of enlightenment. This highly important work only goes as deep as we are ready for, and as deep as we can handle every day. It can require therapy, other professional help, meditation, time in nature, thought and comradery. That may sound like an odd combination, but it’s not.
When we are engaged with other people in healthy ways, even for those of us who are introverts, we can feel connection, which is an aspect of love. Whether we share a common interest, a cup of coffee or a video chat, a little connection goes a long way to our well being and happiness.
It can be scary to connect and sometimes it takes courage but reaching out can save the day. And. as all of have heard the stories, even save a life.
Remember that we will receive help from Spirit when we ask from our hearts. And asking or praying or setting an intention to meet people of like mind and like heart relieves much of the exhaustion of effort, the feelings of overwhelm or the question of where to start.
It is not difficult – just ask Spirit from your heart. The Universe hears you and wants the best for you.
Ask, also, for their help to receive and integrate love. This is a great act of self love as we often block the flow of love and support and, therefore, our ability to manifest. Even when we have a difficult time loving ourselves, we are loved. When we ask for support in receiving love it breaks the old cycle of resistance.
When we feel even a little of that amazing heart connection, we are stronger in our commitments and self-care. Society has created ready-made ways to engage – through clubs, rec centers, adult classes, and with a multitude of organizations such as Meetup and AA.
We all benefit from knowing people that see our souls, share common interests and listen to our hearts without judgment.
In fact, there is literally a walled retreat in the woods where past US Presidents, CEOs of large corporations and world leaders—men only—can let down their hair, put on plays, sing and just be. It used to infuriate me that women were not allowed. It doesn’t anymore. I understand that in this case, these men need to be among their peers without restraint or fear of being seen as “less than.” Each of us needs to feel our own humanity with all of our idiosyncrasies.
Gender, race and creed comradery are soul healing and heart healing.
Now, before you throw up your hands in protest, remember that it is equally important that we all come together and share as one people, embracing our differences and commonalities, in a place and in a way, in which we know that we are accepted, respected, and cherished. In the western world, that still isn’t as easy as we would like. We are all still growing and healing.
This brings us once more to new beginnings and long-term change.
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I would like to pose some questions that may help you set your intentions for change and allow you to make and keep your commitment to that change.
- What do you need in order to feel deep heart love—with yourself first, and with the Universe, Mother Earth and all that is?
- What do you need to feel how important it is for you to be here, alive and in this body right now?
- Where do you need connection? Not from a judgmental point of view of “being bad”, but in the behaviors that celebrate you, your gifts and your wisdom?
- From where do you draw your strength and sense of self?
- What makes your heart happy? Please look at the little things as well as the big ones.
These are deep questions, questions of the heart and soul. When you answer these queries for yourself with ample quiet and time, and not speed and need, the answers and insights will come. You may even be surprised by what you learn about yourself. Your answers can help give you a sense of purpose and direction. This may even be the basis of a discussion you have over a cup of coffee or on a walk.
In these answers and the actions that result, you will have a lot of what you need to make the changes you desire in this wonderful season of do overs – and in each and every day of your life.
Blessings, Joy and Happy New Year in this Season of New Beginnings!